Tales of life in the Royal Navy

How about sharing your ditties with all of us?
Send them on to Dave Axford


Things you ought to know

  • These pages are written by sailors.
    Contents mostly of an adult nature.
    If you are easily offended please
    do not go any further
  • Jack's (sailor's) sense of humour can be, and usually is, very wicked and cutting.
  • Calling names and 'taking the piss' is Jack's way of showing affection for his oppos and is very rarely meant in anger.
  • Only read if you are an adult (over 18) and have a broad mind and an equally broad sense of humour.
  • By clicking on the icons below you accept the above warning and take full
    for your own actions


That's enough of the "sloped shoulders" routine and now on with the laughs. 


Mind your head from the swinging lamps...


How Nelson might have fared if hed been subject
to modern 'Health and Safety' regulations


1960 - NAAFI Club Dance in Singapore
George Cane
RNAS Culdrose, HMS Seahawk late 1959 or early 1960
George Cane
RNAS Ford, HMS Peregrine circa 1956
George Cane
Number Nines
George Cane
Kilindini Harbour, Christmas Day 1965
George Cane
RN Recruiting Office - July 1954
George Cane
Manners Maketh Man Jason McPherson
Eagle 1966
George Cane
Eagle 1964
George Cane
George Cane
POP - Eagle 1964
George Cane
Defaulters on Torquay
David Brough
Cookie Boys Revenge
David Brough
HMS Hermes 1975-1977
Christopher (Kit) Colbeck
HMS Hermes 4th Commission 1968-1969
Christopher (Kit) Colbeck
The Cheeseboard
Stephen Egginton
The Parable of the Seagull
Jeff Hards BEM (Mil)
The Matelot
Once a Sailor, Always a Sailor
Ode to a Matelot
Up Spirits: Ode to a tot of rum
South Africa in the Apartheid days
Louis Providence
Oh To Be Young Again...
A Mistake Never to be Forgiven
Notice of Rehabilitation
Notice of Return
Application for date with a sailor
Wally Devine?
Captain's Table
HMS Brighton - Bungy's Ballard
Bungy Williams
The New Shoes
Alan Cooper
Baby Tiff & Chief Tiff
Alan Cooper
Deeps and the Chief Gunnery Instructor
Decoy - "The Deadly D106"
George Davidson
Final Inspection
Practical Employment of the Communicator
Ganges and Burgh Island Connection
Mick Perring
Why I like the navy
Royal Naval Blues
Paul Tomlinson
Our Tot
Lump in the Throat
John Lang
Missing Royal Navy Life?
Mike Paterson
Vic Cliffe
Falklands War Dits - Part 1 ~ The Firing Line
Mike Paterson
Falklands War Dits - Part 2 ~ The Bridge Run
Mike Paterson
Mike's first foreign run-ashore
Mike Paterson
For 8 days the MV Keren became HMS Keren
Tony Dyer
RN 'wokked' it up for the Chinese 
Dave Axford
Dave's first foreign run-ashore 
Dave Axford
Incident on the Eagle back in circa 1970
David Crowson
All That Glitters
Hugh Mailer
Danny the Bosun
Hugh Mailer
Ashes to Ashes - Dust to Dust
Hugh Mailer
Short Ditties 1
Hugh Mailer
Short Ditties 2
Hugh Mailer
End of the Watch
Hugh Mailer
Night out in Mombasa
Vic Cliffe
That's life
Vic Cliffe
Frank Foulger
Doc's Ditties
Ian Gibbs
Round & Round the Ragged Rock
Hugh Mailer
Huntin', Fishin', Shootin'....
Hugh Mailer
Painter man
Hugh Mailer
Sailor's Ten Commandments
Pez Barlow
It's a knockout
Robin Cox
What a ball
Robin Cox
Submariner's tale
Robin Cox
Christmas Card to Hitler
George McNeil Hay
Caught in a trap
Nigel Moores
Bronington's bump
Doug Valeriani
Queen Victoria's visit to Bronington
Stan Hudson
Funeral Firing Party
A.J.W. Wilson
USS Ponce (1)
Terry Lowndes
USS Ponce (2) Barry Raw



A fable well worth remembering...


An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The old man and the boy thought that maybe the critics were right, so they changed places.

Later, they passed some more people that remarked, "What a shame he makes that little boy walk."

They then decided they both would walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.

So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some more people that shamed them by saying how awful to see such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and the man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.